Happy Birthday, Sweet Baby Maeve!

My baby is one today. She was born by c-section at 9:40pm after a 15 hour trial of labor for VBAC.





This past year has gone really fast - but in a wonderful way.






She is a bright little ray of sunshine, very happy and calm.





Happy birthday, sweet girl. May the year ahead bring you joy.

Freyja's Current Obessions

Thanks to my dad, Freyja has discovered the joys of YouTube.

Unfortunately, he didn't tell me what videos he played for her, leading to screaming that I wasn't playing the song with the swing and the car. WTF?! I had to call my dad to figure it out. It was the first one on the list.

Here's her current favorites, courtesy of Grandpa .

Leann Rimes - Nothing Bout Love Makes Sense

Leann Rimes - Nothin' Better to Do

The 5th Dimension - Wedding Bell Blues

The Archies - Sugar Sugar

Holiday Card

Made with GIMP, b/c I'm too poor for Photoshop.

Um, Surprise!

I know I haven't posted much in the past few weeks. I've been busy, looking for a new job and finishing up the loose ends at my current one.

I've been feeling "off" the past few weeks, too. Then I noticed that I haven't had Aunt Flo for a visit in a while. This is nothing new, as my cycles are wonky.

Well, apparently losing that 30 pounds with Weight Watchers made me ovulate properly, because this is what I got staring at me Wednesday afternoon:




Yeah. The timing is horrible, I have no idea how we're going to afford this. I want to be excited and happy, but I'm really worried about finances. K just seems to think that everything will work out, but I just can't go flying on a wing and a prayer. Hopefully I find a job soon, but this is going to make it even harder.

A Day

Freyja was a holy terror this afternoon. No nap. Cranky. Whiney. Why am I at home? Mostly because she's been acting punk and running random fevers. Also, I have hit a low point again at work and I don't really feel like going in. Wrong of me? Probably. I did manage to work from home about 4 hours yesterday and 3 today. Hopefully the malaise will have lifted by tomorrow, I can't get away with staying out of the office for three days in a week.

Anyway, back to the holy terror. I still let her fingerpaint this afternoon. She wanted to dye eggs (we picked up a kit at Target today), but I drew the line there - the way she's been listening I would have had a rainbow kitchen, and not in a good way. I just didn't have the patience for the boiling and the fizzing and the stains.

I suggested she fingerpaint, and I'd cut egg shapes out of her paper. This seemed to appease her, and she happily painted six or seven sheets of paper. Some even stayed recognizable colors. I stuck them to the fridge as she finished each one. We had a good time. I bet most moms have good times every day with their children - I find myself yelling, screaming and unable to enjoy the essence of two-and-a-half lately, most days I don't enjoy Freyja or have good times with her as a rule. I'm sure this is something I'm doing wrong.

Then we went to play outside. It was too nice to stay in. Besides, the fingerpaintings had to dry. I had plans for them. It was bubbles, bubbles everywhere. She rode her "scootah". She slid down her baby slide. I sat on the trunk of our car thats' been dead for over a year (yes, we DO live in a trailer park, thanks for asking) as she ran around, pretending she was riding her scootah to Mickey D's. Yes, we eat at the trans-fat, HCFS palace way too often. My overlarge ass is proof. When I was ready to go inside, she kept going back to the slide, the scootah, the sidewalk chalk for "a minute". I finally had to pick her up, cart her inside, and stick her in her room while she was screaming bloody murder.

I used the two minute timeout to cut the eggs out from the dried fingerpaintings. Never let it be said that I cannot multitask. I taped them up in one of our windows, but wanted something with more panache. I was going to cut letters out, but then I remembered I had some tempera laying around from Freyja's birthday cupcakes (I made a cupcake stand). With a few tricks from MS Word, I had a little backwards cheat sheet and I painted "Happy Spring" on the window below the fingerpainted eggs while Freyja screamed her head off next to my chair that she wanted to paint too.

And now I should go persuade her to eat some preservative-laden macaroni and cheese (that I will add frozen peas to) so she can go to bed, since she's running around the house screaming with princess sunglasses on upside down and lamb ears from the Target dollar section on her head...

Pictures of the window:

Real Moms...

Kat tagged me for this MeMe.

Real moms...

...happily admit their children are driving them insane.
...strike up a conversation with the other mom at the playground who looks like she's about to lose it, too.
...find that talking to other real moms makes them feel better.
...aren't afraid to lay down the law when necessary.
...sometimes agree to extra chocolate sprinkles, even on breakfast cereal.
...don't play the mommy guilt game.
...love dancing in the rain as much as their toddlers do.
...don't let other real moms play the mommy guilt game.
...have useful advice or funny anecdotes on everything, from vitamin Z to potty training.
...bring their kids onto campus if they must, and use iPhoto to entertain them.

Spoiled

So I got tix for DD and DH to go to see Monsters, INC on ICE today. They went, she apparently sat still through the entire thing and loved it - cool - DH then calls me back and says, "Ok, well now we're at the Zoo."

"Huh?" (Our zoo is small, and free in the winter months.)

"Yeah, we were driving by the zoo and I said, 'hey, the zoo! and she said 'oooh, I wanta see da tiger! I not too tired!' so we stopped. We're going to take a quick run through the zoo and see the tiger and then we'll be home."

I'm laughing by this point. Is there any wonder she likes him more than me right now? He's the fun parent. I would have said "No, it's nap time, we don't' get to do everything we want to." Maybe I need to be more fun.

Nightmares hurt.

Freyja came running down the hall, screaming her head off, "Mumma-mumma-mumma-mumma-mumma!!!" at about 5am this morning. Kerwin and I both jolted bolt upright and he grabbed her as she ran into our room. She was calling for me for once in the middle of the night and he grabbed her, soothed her, and took her out to rock in the chair.

My soul hurts today. My mommy-ness hurts today. For once, Freyja wanted ME over Kerwin - and he either ignored that or didn't think it was important. Have I done this? Did I make this monster by encouraging him to bond with her and care for her? Is this why she rejects me at every turn in favor of daddy? And is it wrong of me to be hurt and feel a little betrayed that instead of letting me comfort her, he took over without a thought?

I did say something this morning, and he claims he didn't hear her calling for me, or didn't realize that she was calling for anybody in particular. Why do I have to fail at everything I'm supposed to be good at as a female of the species?

"Never-Shuts-Up"

At the risk of being completely offensive and definitely NOT "PC", I was thinking earlier about how in first grade around Thanksgiving, we made "indian" headbands that had our made-up "indian" names on them. I had a perm at that time (yep, I was 7 years old with a perm, thanks Grandma) and so my "indian" name was "Princess Golden-Curls".

It got me thinking that if this were at all an appropriate thing to go around giving my whitey-white anglo spawn an "indian" name, it would have to be "Never-Shuts-Up". No "Wind-Rustles-Trees" or "Quiet-Mountain-Stream" here. The child makes noise incessantly. It's all the husband and I can do to get a word in edgewise, she will just not be quiet.

I know some of you are saying, "Gee, I wish my kid would talk," and you've got a valid wish there. I like that she talks, but I don't like that she's a bossy little drama queen who doesn't quite understand the concept of "respect thine elders" and "your turn, my turn" yet.

Our spawn started talking in a coherent and understandable fashion when she was less than 18 months old. It wasn't a lot of words, but she sure as hell got her point across. Now, at 30 months, we're at the point where she speaks well enough to make herself understood to perfect strangers. Very rarely do I need to ask her to repeat anything so I or others can understand it. This is nice. What isn't nice is that she interrupts conversations. She asks me three times the same question after I've already given her an answer. She screams from the backseat of the car until I acknowledge her.

We keep reminding her that it's rude, it's not nice to (insert offense here). Does it help? Ha. Not a chance. I just don't know what to do. She's really hitting the terrible twos - her behavior in other areas is lacking, to say the very least. She's clingy and whiny - what a change from the independent, well-behaved, happy child she was just a couple months ago.

Diego and the Wonder Pets

Why is it that when I mention my trip to San Diego, Freyja looks at me and asks "You goin' uppa kye to Diego? You gonna see Diego, you gonna see Baby Jaguar? I wanna go wif you, me too in airpane, uppa kye wif you see Diego too?"

Thank you, Nick JR. Thank you, daycare. I know they don't watch that much TV there (the state limits them to 2 hours/day), and I don't really care that she watches TV - she plays and then watches a couple minutes and then wanders off, but DAMN are those shows annoying when daycare is closed and Mumma is stuck at home with her all day. No more Nick. I think I like Playhouse Disney programming better.

Has anybody else been subjected to the Wonder Pets? What's up with the duckling having a lisp?

All this drivel makes me long for the Electric Company and classic Sesame Street. Maybe even Pinwheel, the Polka Dot Door, and Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood.

Sing, Sing A Song...

We like to sing, the family and I. Kerwin had excellent vocal training in school (small parochial school) and I had four years of private classical training, so we not only like to sing, we're pretty good at it. Freyja's sweet little voice as she pipes in is enough to bring tears to my eyes most days. We sing in the car, we sing at home, we sing in grocery stores. We're enjoying singing carols and other holiday songs right now, and since today's the Solstice, we had a special song to sing last night before bed:

I've been searching through the darkness
return to me, beloved
For the night's gone on too long
return to me, my love
I won't rest until I've found you
return to me, beloved
And you bring me back the dawn
return to me, my love

and one to sing this morning as we drove into town for work and daycare.

The Sun is born again today
We greet the sun's first morning ray
We sing and celebrate the light
The sun's born in the longest night!

Both songs are from the Circle Round and Sing! CD. I love having Pagan songs to sing in addition to the carols and hymns of my childhood - and we're probably as annoying as scary fundies who sing praise anthems wherever they go - but we're not trying to convert anybody.

No, we're out to have a good time, and a good time to us is harmonizing, teaching Freyja to sing, and singing just for the joy of it - for the feeling in your gut when you sing something powerful, and the giggles when you sing something fun. I don't think people sing enough - or participate in music in general. Just listening doens't count, you have to involve yourself. So sing along.

I was really happy to see January's Real Simple had a peice on finding your theme song. I still don't know what my theme song is. Do you? Tell me about it.

Thanks - We Think She's Great Too.

Thordora's post got me thinking on how hard it is for me to accept compliments. Both compliments for me, and compliments on my spawn (which in essence, considering spawn is two, are still compliments for me). If some mother at the playground (more likely the mall play area) mentions how cute/smart/funny/potty trained my child is, I have a hard time not blurting a disclaimer out, especially if she has that wistful "I wish my kid was. . ." look on her face.

"She doesn't know her numbers or shapes, though." I don't know if I'm inviting the complimenter to tell me about what she think is amazing about her child (I wish I could say with all certainty that this is the case, becuase I think that every so often, we need Mommy Brag time), or really just brushing off the fact that yes, I DO think my kid is amazing, simply because she's mine.

The more I think on it; however, the more pathetic I think it is that I feel I must apologise for Freyja's verbal skills, early potty training, or great thinking skills. Whoops, sorry. Yes, she's outside the "norm" on those things. Shit. Call the PC police, because she's not right on those exact 2 years and 3 months development charts. It's like covering up for someone else's insecurity.

I don't want my girl to ever feel that she has to apologise for being herself, but isn't that what I'm doing for her? We don't drill with flash cards, or spend long learning sessions when we could be having fun. Instead, we talk to her like an adult, complete sentences, no baby talk (not including sing-songy talking - that is GOOD and builds brain connections - we just use normal words and sentences when we do it). We ask her questions. We help her with pronunciation when she struggles over a word or mispronounces, and ask her to repeat the word in segments. We point out things in her enviroment, things that I would imagine most parents do. I have nothing to apologise for!

I need to stop. I need to learn to just say "Thanks - we think she's great too!" or "Thanks! We think so too! Tell me what's great about YOUR little one," because what use is talking idly when you have the very real chance to make a connection with another human being?

"Isn't this Burger Bell?"

Song of the day:



It's just been stuck in my head all morning. The spawn wanted to watch the Ultimate Silly Song Countdown yesterday, and His Cheeseburger is number four, I think.

"Waaaaiiiit" I hear you saying. "Wait just a minute. Heather, you're Pagan. Why do you even have Veggietales in the house?"

The answer to that isn't short nor is it easy. I'd like to just blame it on Kerwin, but that wouldn't be quite fair. I was introduced to Veggietales back in high school when a friend brought a Silly Songs singalong to a party I hosted. We all watched it and laughed so hard we cried. Kerwin had been introduced to Veggietales through his nephews, and he was Christian at the time so the "message" of the actual shows didn't bother him. They bugged me, though, so to appease him I said I'd allow Silly Songs in the house for Freyja. Now we preview new Veggie DVDs on Netflix for God and Jesus messages. If there are none, and we're suitably amused (take Lord of the Beans - no overt Christian message, just one about using your gifts to help others which we feel is a good value, not to mention we both were cracking up the entire time) we buy them. It seems simple, but you would NOT beleive the amount of grief we get from our friends, no matter what religion they subscribe to.

Besides, it buys me 45 minutes of peace and maybe a shower without "Mumma? Whachoo doin? You takin a sower? I take a sower too! You usin your soap? And your sampoo? Washin you haiw?"

Freyja's Personal Dialect

While showing Freyja the video Karrie posted of Max drinking hot tea, here is the conversation we had:

Freyja: Hey, a boy! Whas him nayme?
Me: that's Max!
Freyja: Mak? I go dah park wid Mak, ok?
Me: You can't, he lives too far away.
Freyja: Ok, we go in dah caaah intead.
Me: It's a fourteen hour drive, honey.
Freyja: OOOOOOOOOH we go uppa kye in uh airpane when we win da lotto? Mumma you go uppa kye sooner?

she still can't do "sk" "x" and "th" sounds, and "l" within words.
anything with a dipthong she sounds like a down-home Alabama girl
and she says "car" like she's from Boston - caaaaah.

In addition, "uppa kye" is "up in the sky", "sooner" is "later" - she won't say later, I think she thinks if she says "sooner" it will be as she says and happen "sooner". Also, whenever she asks for anything pricey or outrageous we tell her "ok, use your Baby Magick and win us the lotto, then you can have it".

She also remembers anything we ever said to her and works it into conversations constantly. I'm not going uppa kye until late Feburary, but she talks about it all the time. I fear the teenage years.

Miscellany

So our electric bill and gas bill got paid on time and in full this month. I know for most of you that's not an uncommon occurence, but it is here because we're poor and we have a long commute with a car that is NOT gas-efficient - often we have to wait, or only pay a portion because we need to get to and from work. It also means that I can enroll in the budget plan for both electric and gas - making my payments easier to manage and schedule. Whee! Even coming up on the holidays, I can afford to pay my utilities in full. This is awesome. I feel a little more grown up now.

Our DSL that I ordered two weeks ago has been activated, but it's not working. We've been without internet at home (except for stolen wireless from a neighbor who doesn't make his network secure and continues to pay his stupid tax which we can only access through our back bedroom window anyway) since mid-august when we got rid of Charter because they kept raising their rates - then we couldn't afford it for months - and now we have DSL. The only problem is there's faulty wiring somewhere. We only have two phone jacks and neither of them are giving me a reliable signal. I was all ready to hop online and do some serious holiday shopping last night once I got it set up, but NOOOOOOO. So now Verizon has to come out, check their wiring to wherever they check it to, and then if that doens't work, I have to bribe my dad to come out and check the wiring under the trailer.

Deal of the day - KMart has basic 800 pc Lego and 120 pc Duplo sets on sale, today only, for half price, $12.97 or somesuch. Since Duplos were the main thing I wanted to get for Freyja this year (after my mom stole my damn thunder and bought her the Fisher Price Little People Castle), that was a STEAL.

Does anybody even like DOTS?

What.The.Fuck.

Seriously. What compels people to sit and pick through the bowl of candy on their lap, which is full of nice chocolate things that are definately OK for a two year old to eat, only to plop a tiny-ass tootsie roll and a little box of Dots/Jujyfruits into the eversmiling pumpkin bucket? My kid can't eat those things! Nobody even LIKES Dots. I understand that Dots are cheap, my fellow trailer park dwellers - but nobody likes them. Stop buying them. Buy a $3 bag of DumDums instead - EVERYBODY likes DumDums.

After picking through Freyja's pumpkin bucket, over half of it was stuff she can't have - tootsie rolls, dots, bubble gum. Hardly any MnM's, Kit Kats, Reese's Cups and definately NO Take 5's. Why bother giving out crappy candy that nobody will eat?

It must be schadenfreude - and although I am a major propoent of that phenomenon, I think it's cruel to apply it to cute little 2 year old witches out for a chocolate haul.

"It Sucks to be Me"

I was first introduced to Avenue Q though a You-Tube video posted on a board I frequent. This video, set to the song "The Internet is for Porn" piqued my interest, but I didn't give it any more thought for a couple of months. Then, I got an invitiation to participate on a Snapple message board and give Snapple ideas, and in return, get amazon.com gift certificates. Well, hell. I'm opinionated, I like free books and CD's. The fact that I haven't had a Snapple in about ten years didn't seem to matter to them. Not complaining, though.

So the video got mentioned to me again by a completely different source. I was looking for something to spend my amazon money on, so I went looking for the Original Cast Recording and was delighted to find it was only $9.99 (well, plus shipping, because I didn't want to order anything else that day).

I've been listening to it pretty non-stop on the iPod - well, in-between playing Circle Round and Raffi, on the big stereo at home which are Freyja's current favorites. I don't know about anybody else, but listening to songs like "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist", "If You Were Gay", and "You Can be as Loud as the Hell You Want (When You're Making Love)" while toiling away at my service site sure gives me a giggle. I just have to remember to not sing out loud...

Amazing Weekend

I think the title says it all. This was a great, if busy, weekend. I worked an outreach event on Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon, we took Freyja to Trick or Treat at my Grandma's nursing home. She was a cute little witch! On Saturday evening, Kerwin helped our friends Ron and Lori fix their brakes. Well, he helped Ron. Lori and I stayed inside, ate Red Lentil Soup, and wrangled our respective spawn. We played a few hands of cutthroat cribbage spiked with tequila after the kids went to bed and that was a lot of fun. I'd been thinking for a long time that DH and I needed couple friends.

Sunday, Freyja and I just lolled around the house during the day, and in the evening we had our Samhain ritual with Pagan Familes and Friends of West Michigan (and saw Ron, Lori, and the kids again).

Life is okay, considering it's getting to be winter. I'm still struggling with SAD and wishing I knew how to better cope with it.

Potty Progressing

I have to brag, even though I know that I really have nothing to do with it.

Last week's post about pottying ( http://amerimama.blogspot.com/2006/10/potty-training-woes.html ) came a moment too soon, it would seem.

We're on day 9 of 1 accident per day or less. There's poop, there's pee, there's waking up from naps dry, there's waking up in the middle of the night to have Daddy turn on the light in the bathroom so she can pee.

Even better? Everything ELSE she's learned over the past 6 weeks has finally integrated into her brain. Where last week we had "A, B, C, E, you, E" we now have the full alphabet song, in tune. She now identifies colors correctly and counts to seven with no mistakes. She started using her words again and stopped pushing, hitting, and biting her little friends at daycare.

The clincher came last night. "Scuse you, Mumma. I want-a get my pa-no (piano - little toy keyboard) out from unna da coush." She doesn't get that she needs to say "scuse ME" instead, but shoot - how grown up was that?

Potty Training Woes

me: "Okay, potty time!"

spawn: "NONONONONO ENN-OHH MUMMA I NOT GO POTTY EID-ER!!!!!!!"

me: *sigh* "SorryyoufeelthatwaygetyourbehindinthereandgopottyNOW"

spawn: "I CAN'T I TOO TIRED!"

me: *snort* "Then you can take a nap after you go."

spawn: "Noooooooo. *whine* I caaaaaaaaaaan't"

me: *picks spawn up and carts her to the bathroom. helps her undress*

spawn "Nooo!" *scream* *pees* "Yay Freyja! I go potty!" *claps for herself*

me: "Don't you dare clap for yourself, demon child, after I had to cart you in here."

Ver-ba-tim. All weekend. She was doing so well, and now THIS. She was taking HERSELF to the potty, and now this. She's had no trauma, no new things happen, none of those things that The Experts claim can set back potty training.

I think she's lazy. Like her mother. Super lazy. Too busy playing to pee (I don't have that problem, I'm just saying that's how her laziness manifests at her age) or to be bothered to pee.

She's still younger than The Experts reccomend to begin potty training, but we started six weeks ago. I was expecting to see SOME progress by now.