Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Nightmares hurt.

Freyja came running down the hall, screaming her head off, "Mumma-mumma-mumma-mumma-mumma!!!" at about 5am this morning. Kerwin and I both jolted bolt upright and he grabbed her as she ran into our room. She was calling for me for once in the middle of the night and he grabbed her, soothed her, and took her out to rock in the chair.

My soul hurts today. My mommy-ness hurts today. For once, Freyja wanted ME over Kerwin - and he either ignored that or didn't think it was important. Have I done this? Did I make this monster by encouraging him to bond with her and care for her? Is this why she rejects me at every turn in favor of daddy? And is it wrong of me to be hurt and feel a little betrayed that instead of letting me comfort her, he took over without a thought?

I did say something this morning, and he claims he didn't hear her calling for me, or didn't realize that she was calling for anybody in particular. Why do I have to fail at everything I'm supposed to be good at as a female of the species?


Dawn said...

Oh Honey, you haven't failed! Do you know how much I would pay for my hubby to get up in the middle of the night for Kiddo just ONCE? Just one time ever? Do you know my hubby has never, ever gotten up? Kerwin probably didn't realize, and he probably was trying to keep you from waking up too much.

It's not wrong for you to feel hurt. It's not wrong for you to feel betrayed. Just try to keep in the back of you mind that one day she is going to need only you - like when she gets her first period or a boy breaks her heart. YOU will be the only one that can make that better. She will trust only you with certain deep, dark secrets and the two of you will share a bond that no man can understand. Hang in there.

karrie said...

Sometimes I get angry when Max cries for James.

Middle of the night though? I'm with Dawn. You're not a failure.

Heather said...

It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't get up at night with her EVERY time - and he does it so I can sleep, we're just wired differently - he can feel rested with interruptions to his sleep, me not so much so.

It's great that he's so involved and so THERE, don't get me wrong, but it still sucks that RIGHT NOW I am Evil Mom who makes her behave, follow the rules, etc KWIM?