Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Sour Grapes

Because one of the midwives in the practice couldn't find the baby's heartbeat at my 18 week appt, she sent me for an ultrasound "just in case".

What she neglected to mention was that this was going to be the "big" ultrasound. You know, the one where they check the spine, and the organs, and the GENDER.

So I didn't ask. I figured I'd get another one in a couple weeks.

Ha. No. No ultrasounds to be had here. They flat-out REFUSE to order another one. "Oh, you'll just have to wait, just like the old days! Hee hee, won't that be nice?" And the other preggos on boards I visit who are due around the same time are all having THEIR "big" ultrasounds. I find myself unwilling to congratulate them because really I want to be jealous and petty and say "you bitch" - even though it isn't anyone's fault but the midwife.

I know it's not a life-changing thing. We know the baby is healthy, and that's what matters.

Yeah, fuck that. I want to know what I'm having. Medical technology affords me that, and I'm not being permitted to access it. I can't get anything ready, I only have enough gender neutral things to last the first couple months, IF that.

Why does it feel so wrong to be upset about this? It seems like such a small thing, but it isn't, not to me.

8 comments:

Sasha Kovich said...

I can make you some gender-neutral blankets? And then some less gender-neutral blankets at a later time?

Holy crap. I can't believe it's 18 weeks already! I still haven't met your first kid!

Heather said...

It's actually 23 weeks. The bitterness has just taken this long to fully take hold >.<

And yes, gender-neutral blankets would be just LOVELY. :)

Dont make me get out my flying Monkeys! said...

Is there anyway you can call and find out the sex or was the baby non cooperative? They will send the sex to the dr, but you wont know... you should be able to find out by calling your dr, and they probably can do it in a blood test too? right?

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Eden said...

You should be angry. You should tell the OB or midwife at the next visit that you were never offered the option of finding out the gender. The ultrasound tech (or do you mean that the midwife herself did the ultrasound?) messed up and should have checked the genitals for proper development and asked at that time if you wanted to know the sex. If you don't feel like being confrontational, you could just say, "I didn't know I was having the sole ultrasound and no one said anything about the baby's heart, kidneys, etc. And I didn't get to see the genitals and so if they were checked and are okay, can you tell me if they're innies or outies?"

karrie said...

I agree with Eden. I am pretty sure that the techs note the gender on file someplace too, so hopefully a quick phone call will clear this up.

Heather said...

Yeaaah. There have been several "quick" phone calls, and the receptionist "can't" give out that information, and it's not "important" enough to bother the nurses or MWs with, since I've already been told "no other forseeable u/s" and that the baby is healthy, I just shouldn't "worry about it".

I'm really pleased with my care except for this. I was assured that 18 week U/S was comprehensive.

I have an appt. next Thursday, and I'll ask them to look at the U/S record then.

thordora said...

We have no choice here. With most OBGYN's, they will NOT tell you. Period, because it isn't essential. Of course, you can go pay cash for a 3D ultrasound, you won't find out. You only get one medical ultrasound, unless something is wrong.

It wasn't so much that I couldn't find out as it was the prinicipal. MY taxes pay for that ultrasound, so why the hell can't I know?

To make it worse, when I had profiles done because I was "late" (their term, NOT mine) they were willing to show me. Not that Rosalyn was willing to open up and show anyone. :)

That sucks dude. :( But look at it as a surprise!

Geekymom said...

I can understand your feelings but I am so glad to hear everything is okay.