Thursday, March 27, 2008

Pie, and other musings

I was just blindsided by a sudden and severe craving for piecrust. Baked, of course. I couldn't tell you what kind of filling I might like in the piecrust. Cherry might be good, or peach. Since I'm still able to for a few more weeks, I'll blame it on pregnancy.

I haven't been blogging because I've been emotionally overwhelmed. I haven't mentioned it to my midwife yet because they seem to be more concerned about flipping out over my blood pressure/blood sugar/mucus than anything else and sending me off to waste entire afternoons at L&D for what ends up being nothing. Better safe than sorry. I just keep seeing it all as a concerted effort to prevent me from being able to VBAC. Paranoid much? Probably. The only provider not flipping out over one thing or another involving me at that office is their supervising obstetrician. I saw him last week for a "just in case" surgical consult (in case the unthinkable happens and I need a c-section before my due date). He reiterated that I'm an excellent VBAC candidate and expressed his dismay that his hospital doesn't allow VBAC but he understands and wishes me the best of luck. The midwives seem to be like "uh, you have this problem...let's pursue it to death..."

Anyway, emotionally overwhelmed. Freyja is mouthy, bratty, defiant, and really difficult to deal with right now. She is making me doubt my parenting and I keep wondering just what business I have with having a second child when the first one is such a hellion. I keep hearing it's because she's three and a half. I doubt that her turning four will magically make all of her naughtiness go away. She doesn't want a baby. She doesn't want a baby sister. I know a lot of this is completely normal. I'm really glad that she developed a strong bond with Kerwin at a very young age, because I know that will help when I don't have as much time to spend with her since I'll be busy with the baby - she'll still have daddy without much interruption.

I'm 34 weeks tomorrow. I'm to the point where I'm up to pee 3 times a night again, and then waking up every hour to turn over or adjust position.

So, in 4-8 weeks, it'll be baby time. I keep waiting for nesting to kick in, but all I want to do with my spare time is sleep, still.

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