Sunday, November 25, 2007

Sunday Ramblings Redux

I'm trying to do all of my holiday shopping for extended family on the money I have in paypal. My folks offered to help us out. They don't want anything back, but I just don't want to let them if I don't have to. I know I shouldn't be so prideful.

Gosh, it's hard. With me not working, though, it's what we can spare. I love Etsy for this. It's only the men I'm having trouble with. I just finished up two aunts and two cousins with a couple of Etsy purchases! Thankfully, we draw names on both sides so there aren't too many presents to buy. It looks like I'll have $$ left over, so hopefully I can find something cute for Freyja, too. It might not be the almighty Giraffe Tent, but it'll be something.

I enjoy shopping and finding that perfect thing, and being funds-limited just makes it more of a challenge. I'm trying to keep thinking of it that way - challenging, instead of pathetic. We'll at least keep up appearances for the family, though I don't know if Freyja is going to get much of anything from us at all. This is the first year she's really been excited about giving and getting presents, and all of hers will probably be from Grandma.

I know I shouldn't be so upset about a commercialized holiday, but I am. There, I admit it. I love Christmas and I hate being unemployed so our Christmas is going to suck. Kerwin doesn't want me to call the Salvation Army or Toys for Tots or anything like that to see about getting Freyja some presents, either. We've given to those and other similar programs for the past two years - and we will next year if things are better - I don't see the problem in utilizing something like this just this once.

Other than that, we're pretty broke. Kerwin and I have been fighting pretty much non-stop and I'm stressed close to the breaking point which I know can't be that good for the baby. I think he thinks that I'm trying to stay unemployed on purpose, at least that's the feeling I get. Yeah. I like worrying about paying bills and buying groceries. That's SO my idea of a good time.

I've applied for many jobs, I've been told my resume doesn't suck by some people I trust on that, and yet there are no calls. I'm going to head down to Goodwill, Manpower, and a few other agencies this week to see if there's anything they have listed that I qualify for. Temp work would be good right now anyway, considering I don't know how easy it's going to be to convince anyone to hire someone who's 4 months pregnant and will be going on maternity leave in early May anyway.

If you made it through this much of my whining, I thank you.


Sasha Kovich said...

I can feel it. I've been knitting pretty hardcore for the past month and a half in a desperate attempt to get gifts ready for people. My fingernails are starting to get irate with me.

thordora said...

ugh. I've been there, but not with kids around. That makes a difference at Xmas.

Make her something special she can keep when she's older-I'll be making some collages from magazines for the girls this weekend for their rooms.

Hang in there. I know it's tough.

Mandi said...

I totally get the feelings you're having ... that 'why am I so useless' sensation that nuzzles up next to you late at night, right? I've been there, babe. I'm still there most of the time. I am constantly convinced that Ben would rather I have a more gainful employment situation even though he never says nor otherwise indicates that to be true. We are stubborn. We do not enjoy being taken care of. We get cranky, and then we project that crankiness onto the boys we adore who could otherwise give a shit either way. If you ask him straight up, and he says you're alright by him, stick by that ... don't rationalize, elaborate, or randomly make shit up. Stick with it.

Being broke sucks, but being in love can often ease that sucking feeling a bit. Focus on that. And breathe ...