Still Alive!

Yes, I still exist!

We're still adjusting to having two spawnlings around here, although Maeve is a delightfully mellow baby. I just haven't had much to write about beyond spawnlings, and although motherhood has been a big part of this blog I don't want it to be the only part. Other people have done it, and probably better than I.

I've been writing HP fanfiction as well, and getting up the gumption to redo the outline on the YA Sci-Fi novel I've had kicking around in my head.

If anybody's interested in reading the HP fanfiction I've written, I'm archived a couple of places:


http://community.livejournal.com/grangersnape100/tag/voxangelus

http://www.thepetulantpoetess.com/viewuser.php?uid=10622

Some of it is smut, if that tickles your fancy.

I hope to be back soon, with more interesting content!

Tuna Salad

I had a tuna sub for dinner last night and at least two tuna sandwiches for lunch earlier in the week.
It is just about the only protein source that seems at all appealing right now. I can taste it just thinking about it. Turkey smells bad to me right now, roast beef tastes like sawdust, ham is too watery and I've eaten so much freaking peanut butter this pregnancy that just looking at a jar of it makes me groan. I hate eggs, so I don't have any recourse there.

Unfortunately "they" want preggos to limit tuna to 1-2 servings a week and I've gone over that already.

I'm also craving chips and onion dip, but genius hubby only bought flavored chips. You can't dip those, not in onion dip. I may have to get dressed and run to the store.

Support Your Candidates

You can't see the shirt too well, but it says "Potter/Weasley '08"

That was fun...

Sort of.

My friend (who started out as "just" Freyja's daycare provider - but after two years we've progressed to friends) went to Florida this week. She asked me if I would keep her home daycare open while she went. I agreed, especially since there was money involved. We like extra cash when we can get it. Most of the parents know me since she has no turnover. We found her almost right after she opened two years ago and she still has the same kids - nobody has left except one family who moved.

It wasn't too bad. The worst part was my own kid acting up because she seemed to think that because it was her mommy there, she didn't need to follow the rules. The thirty-pound moose of a ten month old wasn't a picnic either, but just because it was heck to heft him all over. He's a very sweet and happy baby otherwise.

The rest of the kids are all ages 2-4. They play nicely together and they all still take nice long afternoon naps. They scrap once in a while, but it's easily mended. No real problems there.

What I didn't count on was getting a hellacious head cold over the weekend that stuck with me all week - coughing, sneezing, not sleeping well. I'm pretty tired today, and looking forward to a nice, relaxing weekend with just my own little monkey to look after.

Searchy, Searchy

my appearance postpartum
you're not going to look perfect right away. It took nine months to put it on, give yourself at least nine months to get back to physical normalcy. Don't be surprised if mental and sexual normalcy takes double to triple that time.

I hate team building
It's not my favorite thing, either. Icebreakers will never be anything BUT cheesy.

I hate americorps
Of course you do. You're paid for shit and every time you try to do something that will help people your site supervisor or program director shoots you down. Or maybe you don't want to help people at all and you joined because you wanted an easy paycheck. Either way, it's your attitude that makes the difference.

michigan sexy dresses
do you mean sexy dresses made in Michigan? Or sexy dresses on women in Michigan? I admit to being a bit confused.

pictures fat chicks in bathing suits
you're either some kind of perv or some kind of idiot looking to mock people. Or you could just like fat chicks, what do I know? I'm betting on the first or second though. In any case, you're not going to find any pictures of my fat ass in a bathing suit here, and it's creeping me out that this EXACT search string has been linked to me several times in the past few days. I do have your IP logged, verizon.net user from Hopkins, Michigan. There's no pictures of me in my bathing suit here. Nor will there ever be. Now go away.

best low maintenance haircut for busy moms
may I recommend the cut I have? It comes to the middle of my neck and has nice stacked layers that give it bounce. It looks great no matter if I just let it dry after combing or use the hair dryer and a little volumising cream.

Slacker!

Totally.

There just hasn't been much going on here to blog about. Life goes on. I have my VBAC consultation on Monday, which I hope goes well. I have a very long list of questions to ask the OB. I hope I don't scare him. I've done my research.

I am getting another ultrasound. It seems that idiot midwife missed the part that said "FOLLOW UP RECOMMENDED" on the report. Marvelous midwife did notice it, however - but only after I asked about the gender and then cried. I didn't intend to cry, but hormones got in the way.

So, that will be on February 4th - a week from Monday. Hopefully baby will cooperate and we'll get the money shot.

Freyja has gone from "If it's a boy, I am running away to live at Grandma's" to "NO, I don't want a GIRL baby, I only like BOY babies."

Gut feeling still says boy. Gut feeling was accurate for Freyja, so we'll see how well mother's intuition plays out this time. Frankly, I hope it's a boy because we decided on a boy name already. Girls names are still up in the air - we have three we both love, and we would probably have to have the baby first and see what name fits her the best.

The Family's Peculiar Aristocratic Titles

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Grace Lady Heather the Perplexed of Hope End Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Baron Kerwin the Loquacious of Waterless St Mildred Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Entirely Miss Reverend Lady Freyja the Implacable of Piddletrenthide on the Carpet Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Our Trip Away

Kerwin works for a Marriott brand hotel (think the high-end, swanky one), and one of his "perks" is 2 free nights at a Marriott property at least 60 miles away from the one he works at in November or December.

We took advantage of this the past couple of days in the Ann Arbor, MI area. I had hoped to come back with pictures of Freyja jumping on the bed, but she refused to jump. It was a king bed, I was right there, I made sure her shoes were off. I said, "you can jump on the bed!"

"No, mumma. That is NOT safe."

"Yes, but I am here watching you, so it's OK. It's a big bed, and I doubt you'll fall."

"I will fawl and cwack my head open and you will have to take me to the 'mergency woom."

There you have it - my own personal safety patrol. We did have a good time using the pool and visiting with Kerwin's grandmother, whom we helped "decoration" her Christmas tree. The bed was cushy and huge - Freyja slept on the foldout couch the second night b/c she tossed and turned too much the first and kept us both awake. Last night, Kerwin was on one side and I was on the other, and I think you could have easily fit another fairly large adult in the middle. I don't, as a rule, snuggle.

A nice trip away, even if I didn't get any time to myself. I may look into having Kerwin just come and check me into the Courtyard or SpringHill Suites near us (we get a great rate there, something like $39/night) for a couple days of solo mommy R&R before the baby comes. I could read, take long baths, sleep, take more long baths...oh yeah.

The Stars Don't Lie?

I am a great kisser, thank you very much.

Seven Weird Things Meme

It's Thordora's fault.

1) I like my gingerale with a shot of caramel syrup

2) I'm really quiet if I don't know people. This doesn't win me many friends and makes me seem quite standoffish and snobby. I'm not, I'm just afraid that people won't like me. It's all part of having avoidant personality disorder.

3) My nickname around the house in high school was Opera Wench. My dad's friend Doug gave it to me.

4) I like fancy pens and fancy paper. Nothing makes me happier than a Moleskine and a nice pack of Staedtlers or microns. People wishing to be on my good side need do nothing more than come bearing quality stationery.

5) I read voraciously and indiscriminately. I like all kinds of books but I LOVE sci fi and fantasy, badly written and not.

6) I write Harry Potter fanfiction. People have actually read it and thought it was decent.

7) Asparagus is my favorite vegetable.

I'm supposed to pick seven people, but y'all can just do this if you like, and let me know.

Assorted Updates

My interview last week went well, at least as far as I could tell. The interviewer and I bonded over a totally off-topic discussion of homebirth and doulas after all the pertinent information was discussed. Hey, anything that will help her remember me!

I should hear about the job by Friday. It's possible that it may be only part-time, but that would be OK as long as I'm still making around what I did with AmeriCorps. It would also cut down on daycare costs!

I'm bringing in a little money here and there with eBay auctions, but I'm losing my mind being at home. Freyja's going to daycare a couple times a week to keep her spot, but neither she nor I are used to being up each other's butt all day. We're still adjusting. Hopefully I'll get this job or another one soon, and she can go back to daycare where I'm sure she has a much more structured day than I could even attempt to give her.

The belly bean is doing fine. I have an appointment next Monday. I'll be 13 weeks, so we should be able to hear the heartbeat. My MW is really good at hunting for it under my fat if I recall correctly from when I was pregnant with Freyja. I had an ultrasound a couple weeks ago, too - I'd scan the picture, but it's not all that exciting - looks like a bean with flippers.

Also, if anyone is crazy enough to want to read my Harry Potter fanfiction, you can check out my livejournal account. I've only done drabbles/100 word so far, but once I finish my fic for an exchange I'm doing, it'll be posted there too. I know there are those of you who think fanfic is scary, so that's all I'll say.

That's about all that's going on around here. Someday soon I'll get back to writing real entries instead of holiday letter-esque updates.

An Interview. I has one.

Wednesday afternoon at three.

I hope they like me, and I hope they like me enough to hire me.

I have seen the future of me not working, and it will only end in tears and insanity. The past two weeks have been more than I can bear. I am not cut out for staying home. I feel resentment toward my husband and child. I indulge in self-loathing. Soon I will have to ask Kerwin for money for something or another, and the last vestiges of my independence will be utterly stripped away.

It isn't, nor will it be, pretty.

So, if you would think of me on Wednesday at three, I would be most appreciative. The job is something I think I would really enjoy. It involves food, cooking, and imparting my wisdom and talent for eating well on a budget to others.

The Man Meme

Via Eden:

1. Who is your man? Kerwin
2. How long have you been together? Five and a half years
3. How long dated? six months
4. How old is your man? just turned 29
5. Who eats more? him
6. Who said “I love you” first? can't remember.
7. Who is taller? him
8. Who sings better? it's a toss-up. We're both classically trained.
9. Who is smarter? probably him, as much as I hate to admit it. Book smarts only. When it comes to other things he's kind of dumb.
10. Whose temper is worse? mine, for sure
11. Who does the laundry? we both do
12. Who takes out the garbage? him
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? me
14. Who pays the bills? both of us
15. Who is better with the computer? me
16. Who mows the lawn? him
17. Who cooks dinner? usually me
18. Who drives when you are together? almost universally me
19. Who pays when you go out? depends on who got paid that week
20. Who is most stubborn? me
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? him
22. Whose parents do you see the most? mine!
23. Who kissed who first? he kissed me first
24. Who asked who out? I don't know. We met online.
25. Who proposed? him
26. Who is more sensitive? me
27. Who has more friends? him
28. Who has more siblings? him

Shortbread Love

The craving for shortbread blindsided me about half a hour ago.

It's easy to make, and I had everything, so I made some.

The plan is to eat a piece now and save the rest for later. Somehow I feel that just isn't going to happen. I loooooove shortbread. I did throw the guts of a vanilla bean in there, so it's not completely "authentic", but the dough was good.

Another reason to love shortbread - no eggs, so eating the dough off your fingers, the spoon, or the bowl is completely OK.

Shortbread
1 c. softened butter
1/2 c. fine sugar
2 c. flour (I use 1 c. regular flour and 1 c. corn starch - silky!)

Cream butter and sugar. Add flour a little at a time, until dough is shaggy and easily handled. Either roll out and cut with cookie cutters or pat into a 9x9 pan. Bake at 350 for about 15 min or until "set" and a very light golden. If you used a pan, cut into peices now. Let it cool.

I like to dip into melted chocolate, but whatever floats your boat.

An Open Letter, Vol III (I think)

Dear Muskegon Target;

When you're closing one store to open another, you may find that the merchandise moves faster if you discount it. There's no way I'm going to pay full price for those 500 thread count sheets still left on your shelf, but had you discounted them I might. If you knock everything in the store down to 50% off I'm guessing whatever you have left will be gone before you close next Tuesday. Just sayin'.

Good move putting the expensive chocolate on 30% off, though. I did avail myself of a few bars. The Chocolove Candied Ginger and 65% Dark Chocolate bar? I'm one happy preggo.

But think about the discount, will you?

Kisses,

Heather

Sweets?

I found a sugar cookie mix in the cupboard, but my oven knob is still broken and I haven't gotten a replacement for it yet. I really, really want some cookies. The only sweet stuff I have in the house is ice cream, and I'm too cold to want any ice cream.

Caramel corn sounds good, too - but I don't have any caramel nor do I feel like attempting to make some from scratch.

I'd settle for frozen waffles, but we're out of syrup. Powdered sugar on the waffles is only good if there's butter, and we're out of butter, too.

I need to get a new oven knob and I need to hit the grocery store, obviously. Yet this doesn't solve my immediate problem of wanting something sweet.

Grr.

Skillz 2 pay da billz

K assures me he has them.

Even IF, he says, I don't get a new job, we can still pay the bills! He's done the budget! If we get WIC and Food Stamps and Medicaid. To me, that is not paying the bills. That is continuing to suck off the tit when we really don't need to.

He seems to think I should be overjoyed at this. I do not want the meaningless trailer park existence nor do I particularly WANT to stay home with my spawn. All day. Because we won't be able to afford the gas to go anywhere or do anything fun. Being a stay at home mom is only cool when you have the $$ to do the things you want to do.

I would much rather work. Work. Earn money. Pay off debts. Pay off the trailer. Buy a real house with a real yard with room for spawnlings to run and play. Enjoy my spawnlings on the weekends and the evenings.

Staying home and having to watch every penny does not sound like anything I want to do. It will most certainly NOT be better for my children because vitamin Z won't even help me out of the low feeling like a non-contributor will put me in. K can try to tell me that being with the kids is the most important contribution, but when he's the one stuck at home with no adult interaction, trying to keep a toddler and a newborn quiet all day because Daddy works 3rd shift and is sleeping...well...maybe he'd get my reluctance.

I hate the feeling of not having any money in my pocket and having to ask The Husband for anything I want or need, having to justify new shampoo, or new underwear, or this cute outfit I saw for the baby. I had enough of that during Freyja's first year. Maybe if he were making double or treble what he does and could "pay" me for staying home then I'd be OK with staying at home, but the way things are now, I just can't fathom it.

And of course, because I think it's better for me to work and send my kids to daycare, I'm a Bad Evil Mommy for doing what's right for my family.

Fuck it all, I'm doing what I think is right, and to hell with what anyone else outside the family thinks.

Endings

I have about a month to go in my second AmeriCorps term.

This means I need to get a real job. Also, it means that I need a new blog title. This whole "real job" thing is scary. I like the flexibility I have now, and I know that is going out the window soon. I've gained a lot of good experience, I just hope it's enough to land me a decent-paying office job somewhere. I've applied for a couple, so hopefully they'll at least interview me.

Kerwin started a new job this weekend - working third shift security at a new luxury hotel in the area. He loves it so far, and I hope it continues to treat him well. Anything's better than Best Buy at this point - he plans to stay on at least one day a week there. We love the discount and it's too good to give up! His discount via the hotel is excellent, as well. We may actually be able to afford a honeymoon for our 5th anniversary.

Eight Things About My Marriage

1. Where did you meet your husband? Online, at a chat site called Alamak. We met in the "think cafe", a place for pseudo-intellectuals. In reality, it was the only room on the site where you could get a decent conversation without getting "A/S/L??!!1 U want 2 cyber?" every two seconds.

2. What was the first thing you said to your husband? In real life? I can't remember. It was probably, "Hi! Finally found you!"

3. Where was your first kiss? First date? First kiss and first date were the same day, I suppose. We kissed on one of the sidewalks outside of the Field Museum in Chicago - which was where we had our first meeting/date.

4. Did you have a long or short courtship/engagement? We met online in January of 1999, started "courting" online in January of 2002, met in April of 2002, he moved here in July of 2002. He proposed in January 2003, and we were married September 2003. I'd say it was about an average courtship and engagement.

5. Where did you get engaged? I was sitting on our bed, and I was pissed off at him because I knew the ring was back from being sized and he was hiding at one of our friends' houses instead of coming home and proposing like he was supposed to. He came home, handed me a rose from the gas station, and I was all "whatever!" and threw the rose on the bed. He handed it back to me and said that I might want to look at it a little closer. He had hidden the ring in the petals of the rose. I said "You BITCH!", and he pulled the ring out and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes - but he told everybody I called him a bitch when he proposed.

6. Where did you get married? At my mom's church on September 26, 2003 in a very small ceremony in their prayer room. We had planned on the courthouse, but they were booked up on our date. Enter our white knight in the guise of my mom's pastor, Julie, who helped us put together an amazing non-trinitarian ceremony that was as pagan as we were going to get in a Lutheran church.

7. How did the reception go? We had an open house, with a pig roast. It was very relaxed, people came and went, and we had a good time. No dancing.

8. How was the honeymoon? I'll let you know when I finally get one. We're hoping we'll be able to afford one for our 5th anniversary next year.

Stole this from Deb

Five Questions

1. I need to know-I LOVE the name Freyja-why did you pick it?

Freyja's name was proposed by my husband - he's a Norse Trad pagan. Freyja is the Norse goddess of love, lust, and war (I found a t-shirt somewhere on the web recently that had a picture of Freyja with the slogan "Freyja - if you can't lay it, slay it"). We wanted a name that was strong, meaningful, and unusual, without being too weird - we both have healthy amounts of Germanic and Scandi heritage, so the family thought it was a great name, if slightly odd. Other names we tossed around for her were Maureen and Ysabel, but when I found my due date was going to be on a Friday, which is Freyja's/Frigga's day, I knew we'd found the right name. Looking back, I don't see how we could have named her anything else. Her middle name is Louise, which means "warrior".

2. If you could be doing anything, ANYTHING in the world, what would you do?

Anything? I could toe the party line and say I'd be doula-ing for a living, but that wouldn't be true. I love doula-ing, but I love acting more. I'd be on Broadway, doing plays and musicals. There's a whole list of roles I want to get through, Elphaba in "Wicked", Kate Monster in "Avenue Q", Carlotta in "Phantom of the Opera"...I could go on. I love to sing and most of the CDs in my car are musical soundtracks.

3. If your man sends you flowers, what ones must they be? Why?

My man never sends me flowers - I'm more likely to send HIM flowers. I love daisies and carnations. Either of those is a good bet. I like purple daisies the best, or big huge bright orange gerbera daisies. Roses are nice, but IMO die too quickly once cut. Daises and carns can last a month if you care for them properly.

4. What kind of an animal is Gonzo anyway?

Gosh, I don't know. I don't think he's an animal at all, but some kind of alien - didn't they confirm that with "Muppets in Space"? I'd say he's a cross between an anteater and a baby elephant.

5. Are you assertive and almost rude with mean/jerky people, or do you seethe quietly?

It depends on the situation. I don't like mean/jerky people. If it's family, I seethe and plot revenge (and usually get it). If it's at work, I try my best to be assertive and use big words the mean/jerky person will not understand. If it's some asshat in a store I'll never see again, I am assertive and probably very rude, but IMO they have it coming.

Interview rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview Me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.