Weight loss thoughts

Just to reassure folks, I'm not trying to lose weight right now. I lost 30 pounds over the summer and then I got pregnant. I've lost 13 more pounds since, probably because I am eating small meals and snacks every 1.5-2 hours while I'm awake to stave off nausea.

I used Weight Watchers over the summer and I plan to go back to that once the baby is born, since I find it easy and low-stress.

They're starting a "Biggest Loser" challenge over on my BabyCenter birth board, and they're going to use percentages, apparently that is how they do it on the NBC show. I don't watch "The Biggest Loser" although I do like "Celebrity Fit Club" (celebrity fit club is funnier, frankly). This means that if they do another challenge after I have this baby, there is no fair competition for me, personally. I think most of them looking to lose weigh under 200 pounds.

For me to lose 10% of my body weight right now, I would have to lose 37 pounds. Yes, you read that correctly. I am very heavy and it's very unhealthy. Someone who weighs 160 would only need to lose 16 to hit a 10% goal. I could whine about it over there, but what else is a blog for, right? I adore those ladies. I get that they feel unhealthy and unfit in their bodies currently. But I would be delighted to weigh 180. At this point, I'd be delighted to weigh under 300. I don't blame anyone else for my weight issue - I know it's my fault and my problem. That's why I was working on it! I sit on my butt too much and while we eat pretty healthily the majority of the time, we also hit the drive thru. I know it didn't go on overnight and I don't expect to take it off that quickly. Going by that it's safe to lose 1% of body weight in a week, it would take me about 12 weeks, or 3 mo, to lose 10%. It might be the same for someone else smaller, but no gaurantees. I don't think it's easier for overly large people to lose weight - it just looks that way b/c of excess water weight.

I just bristle that I can't have "fair" competition with my friends on that board, if they stick with the same style of challenge after I've had the baby. I like friendly competition of this sort, and I think it's fun and valuable, but there's no point in participating in the specific challenge b/c there is no way I can come even close to "winning" using a percentage system. I'll still do Weight Watchers and lose the weight - nothing is going to stop me there - but I suppose I'll have to stick with SparkPeople's boards for the support/competition. The women who need to lose 15-20 pounds probably don't understand what it's like for me, who needs to lose 150-200 pounds.

Or maybe they do, and I'm not giving them a chance.

Weigh-In

After gaining a pound last week, I am down 2 for this week. Eight pounds, total since starting 3 weeks ago. Not too shabby.

The New and Improved?

I'm going to get a pedicure this afternoon.

I've never had one before, and I don't know what to expect. I made sure to shave my legs, I don't know if a leg massage is involved and I didn't want to gross any nail techs out. Well, that and I'm wearing capris. Hairy legs and capris, they don't mix. But this pedicure thing is new. I was sitting with my feet in the pool at the daycare provider's house one afternoon after work last week while Freyja swam (okay, she didn't so much swim as float around in a blow-up dolphin) with Kerwin. DCP and I were chatting and she said she had to go get a pedicure before her son's open house (which is tomorrow). I mentioned that I had never had a pedicure (GASP), and the next thing I know we have a date.

I am just NOT the "type" (is there a type?) that gets pedicures. I paint my toenails, sure. Myself. With strange, bright colors. I haven't worn makeup since January, and the biggest concessions I make to my girly side is a haircut every six weeks (and this is not even a year-old ritual) and a dye job every four. The haircut I get at BoRics, and the dye I do myself. Low-maintenance.

But as I think about that seven pound weight loss and the next three years (my conservative estimate) that it will take to lose the rest, I think that it might be fun to do some things that are considered "girly". It might be nice to buy some more feminine clothing (once I can fit into it). I've always been that chick in jeans, a ponytail, and birkenstocks. Girly was never my M.O. I got my man by my brains, personality and my persistence (becuase DAMN was that boy an internet ho!), not with perfect hair, pretty makeup, and ladylike manners.

I kind of want those ladylike manners. I kind of want the girly stuff - for me. Not for anybody else, but for me. Yet I don't want to lose myself, nor can I get past my desire to tell society at large to eff off. It's a fine line. Maybe I'm just "growing up".

Car Fun

No more "surfing" at work plus nice spring weather means I don't get to the computer very often for fun.

I had a crappy day today. Not only did I leave my lights on and run my battery down, I also locked my keys in the car when I went down at lunch to go get gas before it jumped and found the car dead. I didn't get gas before the thirty-cent jump, and the only person who could come to jump my car and get the keys out was my DCP's husband. Not that he was grumpy about it, he was telling me about how he'd done similar things and not to fret since he didn't have any plans. I still felt like a tool, though.

In my defense, my car doesn't "ding" when you've left the lights on nor does it "ding" when you leave the keys in the ignition. I don't know if it's a quirk with Geo Prisms or if it's a burned fuse. Not a clue. I should probably look at the fuse box to make sure.

I started Weight Watchers today. Since I get an obscene number of points I feel as though I am constantly stuffing my face. Something has to give, though. I don't want to be morbidly obese anymore.

The times, they are a-changin'

Kerwin is graduating from community college tomorrow. Halle-frickin-lujah!

He wasn't going to walk and participate in the commencement exercises. I wanted him to - it's a milestone and he deserves to be recognized. He came around - I MAY have bribed him with cake and a party. I admit nothing. Nothing!

He's taking a year off. He's "burned out" on school and wants to wait before applying to 4-year institutions. This is probably academic suicide, but now he'll have time to spend with us instead of on homework. For the past four years (seven semesters of which he was in school) he's worked full time at a thankless job and gone to college. I'm proud of him. He graduates with his Associate's in Science and Arts, plus 30-some credits of electives that may or may not transfer.

I'm also very glad that for an entire 15 months, I won't have to hear him bitching about how stupid his homework is, how many papers he has to write, how his professors think their class is the only class he's taking. I never bitched about these things because I just feel that they're part of going to college. People think I can't live without bitching about things - ha! I get it from him!

It'll be nice to have my husband with no demands on his time except for work. We haven't had a time in our married life where one or both of us weren't taking classes or working or both. In the past two years, one of us was always doing both. That's what we get for marrying "young" and having a baby right away. Can't change that now, nor do I wish to. Before much longer it'll be "remember when. . ." and "I can't believe we survived those years"

I'm looking forward to it.

Sticky Sweet

At the dinner table last night over Maui Wowie chicken sandwiches*, Kerwin and I got on the topic of healthy eating. He's concerned about his pot belly. I told him to stop drinking soda, and he agreed with me. This led to a discussion about high fructose corn syrup and how it's pervaded just about everything we eat, including almost the entire menu at the Evil Arches. Don't ask why the fat chick knows so much about nutrition. I have the theory, it's the practice that kicks my ass.

EVERYTHING has HFCS in it. He didn't believe me until I got up from the table and started pulling everything off the shelves. Breakfast cereal? Check. Mac n Cheese? Check. Instant Oatmeal? Check. Pasta Sauce? Check. Goldfish crackers? check! I don't know how many things I pulled off the shelf and he just stood there flabbergasted.

He wants to make a conscious effort to avoid HFCS. I'm not saying this is a bad idea. I think it's a great idea. I'm just wondering how he plans to bankroll it. This is the man who bitches endlessly if I go over the $190 that we get in food stamps every month (that's right, I feed 3 people on $190 and frankly I feed us pretty well). I told him that means no more cheap food. It means making our own bread or paying $3.50 a loaf. It means no more sweetened applesauce or pudding in his lunches, or salsa on his eggs. He still seems to want to go ahead with this. I'm fine with it. I eat Kashi crackers and cereal already, and I like them better than the mainstream brands.

Just wait until pop tarts go on sale and I tell him, "No, remember? They have HFCS!"

Then again, maybe I'm not giving him enough credit. Maybe he'll embrace the healthy lifestyle.

*Maui Wowie chicken sandwiches

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, marinated overnight in a teriyaki marinade.
6 strips of bacon or turkey bacon
2 slices swiss cheese
sliced red onion
pineapple rings
wheat kaiser rolls
honey mustard

Grill chicken. Fry bacon. Slice chicken thinly. Spread the bottoms of kaiser rolls with honey mustard. Pile chicken on top, then bacon, cheese, pineapple, onion. Broil 5 min. Serve with a nice big salad. Serves two. Enjoy!

I've got a secret.

It's a nice secret, a good secret, a happy secret. It's all mine, and I don't want to tell anybody about it. It needs to be my special private secret for a little while longer. I don't need anyone's approval or anyone's disapproval. I just need to be one with my secret. I don't want anybody else to know. If you see me smiling, I'm thinking about my secret. I'll tell you about it at Midsummer.

No, I'm not pregnant. Really. If I were pregnant, this post would instead be titled, simply, "Fuck". And instead of telling you about it at Midsummer, I'd be telling you about it at Yule.

Happy Birthday, Baby

My first doula client went into labor on my birthday, and her baby was born at 9:56PM. Not a bad way to spend a birthday, all things considered. Mama's labor went smoothly until transition, when baby's heartrate started to drop. It was soon back where it needed to be after having mama breathe through an oxygen mask, and the baby was delivered in just under an hour of pushing.

Then mama had some complications. These complications resulted in her being transferred from the birth center to a bigger hospital's ICU. She is stable, and on the mend. Due to HIPPA and DONA regulations, I can't say anything more than that. I was glad I was there so that Dad didn't have to go through this on his own.

The baby is "normal and boring". Dad is not doing so well - but that's to be expected. They have two other older children. If you have a minute to light a candle, say a prayer, or send some good wishes to the family, they (and I) would appreciate it.

I hope to head up to the ICU today and see Dad, at least. I was told by mama's doctor that that would be OK. Complications of this calibre happen so rarely that I'd be lucky to see another set of circumstances like this one ever again as a practicing doula. It was kind of trial by fire for me.

Doula!

I just got my first client through the health center! This is so exciting! 2nd time mom, but her other child is eight years old, and her husband travels for work. She's due in early March :D Whoo hoo!

New Year, Old Goals, New Pants Size (hopefully)

Hey, it's 2007. Look at that!

I haven't made any resolutions. I don't really like resolutions all that much. I prefer to set goals, and since I'm still working on my goals from last year, I only made one new goal, which is:

To Just Calm The Fuck Down, In General

You heard it here first, I get worked up over the tiniest things. I fly off the handle very easily. My temper is short. My patience is thin. I freak out over little shit. If I come across as the endlessly calm mama on BabyCenter, it's only because I really want to be.

The rest of my goals, in no particular order (leftovers from last year):

1. Stand up for myself more at work

2. Keep going to therapy every 2 weeks, and actually get into my issues so I don't waste my money.

3. Join the gym and go every day (this one is on hold until we get the effing car situation figured out).

4. Eat properly and not beat myself up over little slip ups.

5. Keep up the house so it doesn't depress me and I don't work myself into a tizzy if people are coming over.

I'm wondering if I should add

6. Bug the hell out of doctor's office for samples of Vitamin Z.

And if said #6 would help with the rest of the goals. Ah well, I'll ask my therapist what her take is later this week.